I had a dream last night that my little sister was all grown up. She was wearing makeup, getting asked out on dates…she had even joined the military. In fact, the entire dream revolved around the fact that we were gathering together to send her off on her first deployment. I remember the sinking feeling in my gut as the realisation hit that the woman standing beside me wasn’t the shy little bookworm I remembered.
And when I woke up, I wanted to cry. Because I knew that it wasn’t just a dream. It was a nightmare slowly becoming a reality.
Some of my biggest fears involve my younger siblings. I hate the idea of them getting older, losing their childhood innocence. I hate the fact that I can’t be there to keep them from making the same mistakes that I did – or worse ones. I hate the fact that that one day, I won’t be their “N’omi” anymore; I won’t be that special big sister that they look up to (and probably shouldn’t). There’s so much I wish I had done differently when I had the chance, when I was still living at home and could pour into their lives daily. Before I became the big sister who lives at college and only visits during breaks. Before it became normal for me to not be around.